smashed

That's one way to describe how i felt during the first paper. What was supposed to be a gentle introduction to my last set of examinations, turned out to be a nasty encounter which threatened to derail my overall progress in attaining my qualification.

I felt shell-shocked on the drive home. Speechless, with no idea how to tackle the next obstacle, it was reminiscent of my performance while answering the exam paper. The post-mortem was long and depressing, with the blame lying squarely on my method of preparation. 

The best piece of advise i picked up were two over-used clichés.  "Hope for the Best" and "It's not the end of the world"seemed more relevant then they've even been. That is where I find myself now. Confidence going into the last two legs is not where I want it to be but I've been down this road before, and this too shall pass.

Ke Nako - It is time

Its the night before the first "Test" and I'm finding my focus elsewhere. I think I have a holistic understanding of the course material, but whether that will be enough to write for 100 marks, only time will tell.

In terms of being prepared, I think mentally I am up for it. In 12 hours, the invigilator will give the command, "Students, you may start writing" and I will know where my fate lies. With studying, there are many sacrifices that have to made. Right now, I'm missing the start (and finish) of the U.S. Grand Prix; would have been nice to witness this grand affair although I can't act as if this is critically important to me either, as I have not watched a single race yet for this season.

That's the thing with studying; Just about everything else seems more interesting to me. I don't know whats worse; being distracted or knowing that I'm distracted and doing nothing about it. However, tomorrow's paper will hold all the answers. If its easy and very answerable, my laid back approach to preparing for this exam will have been worth it. If its a killer, I will have to swallow my pride and stupidity (more stupidity on wasting time writing blog posts on life lessons)

I must stress that my preparation in terms of course work left much to be desired, although I have been set on preparing myself mentally and emotionally. Dr. Jorge Valverde, one of the leading sports psychologists in the world stated that in the game of tennis, 80 - 90 percent of the game is mental. He went on to say that “Without a systematic approach in which a players learns to use their minds to compete, it would be very difficult to achieve their full potential.”

This is what I am trying to achieve. It must go hand in hand with hard work and hopefully something has clicked upstairs and I will start to bear fruit in the future. 

While on the subject of stupidity, I was almost embarrassed reading old blog posts. There was a definite need for approval and justification for every thing I did. I'm glad that Life is a learning experience and I just hope that I am absorbing more lessons from my past than I have for tomorrow's exam.